How a secular wedding works
What to expect from your non-religious wedding day
You might have been to weddings before, but the day looks different if you're the bride or groom. The internet doesn't have much insight into what happens at a secular wedding to offer. You might have found thousands of ideas for readings and speeches but very little information about what you can expect on your non-religious wedding day. As an experienced wedding photographer, I'm here to lift the veil (get it?) on what will happen on your wedding day. You can do lots of things to make your day unique to you, but I appreciate knowing where to start is difficult when this is the first and only time you'll be tying the knot. Remember, it's your day. You don't need to follow someone else's formula. I wrote this article to save you time and give you somewhere to start.
I'll give you a little information about each part of the day and where photography fits in. You can use these shortcuts to skip ahead to a section if you're referring back.
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Preparations
I know you've already started preparing for your wedding. I'm talking about the morning of your wedding day. While your small army of suppliers like entertainment, florists, caterers, and bakers are getting this set up at your chosen venue, you, your partner, and your bridal party will get ready for your big day.
It's customary but not essential that you don't see your partner on the morning of your ceremony. You'll prepare separately, which might involve make-up artists, hair-dressers, and getting dressed up a little more formally than usual. While we're talking about getting dressed, try not to rush getting ready, you don't want to be sitting in your finest for hours and hours getting hot and sweaty. As your wedding photographer, I'll arrive about an hour and a half before your ceremony. That gives me time to document your preparations and anything else that makes your day unique without using all your coverage before your party. For example, maybe you're exchanging gifts or letters. If you'd like them, this is an excellent time to get a photograph of you with your bridesmaids or groomsman.
Naturally, if you're both getting ready at different locations, I will struggle to be in two places. I'm good, but I'm not that good! There's a simple solution, you let me know ahead of time, and I will hire an additional photographer from my professional network. Someone friendly and talented.
If you're close to your parents or guardians, you might want to have a big reveal for them just before your ceremony, especially if your parents are very emotional and excited about your wedding. Once you're ready, I'll help organise bringing them in to see you.
It's good to check the ring bearer has the rings in a safe pocket before the ceremony. It might be the most stressful job of the day!
Registrar Interviews
The Wedding Registrars will speak with you separately to check you are who you say and can legally marry. It's less formal than it sounds. You'll have a very brief chat to answer some of the easiest questions you've ever been asked, like "can you confirm your name". Honestly, there's not much to say about it.
Ceremony
If you're getting ready in different locations, you'll make your way to the ceremony separately. If you're a heterosexual couple, the groom and groomsman will typically arrive in time to welcome your guests; the bride will still be getting ready. Someone from the venue will get your guests seated just before the bride comes. The groom waits at the front with the groomsmen for the bride and her bridesmaids. Once they arrive, they'll stay out of sight. When you're ready, your Registrar will begin the ceremony. Generally, they'll ask your guests to stand and start the music you've chosen to play while you or your partner walks down the aisle. The flower girl and/or bridesmaids slowly walk ahead to the bride, who will usually be walked down the aisle by her father or the close loved one giving her away.
The Registrar will ask your guests to take a seat and formally introduce your ceremony. You might ask some loved ones to give readings. If not, then the Registrar will explain the proceedings and take a minute to describe the profound nature of the occasion. After any readings, you'll begin to take your vows. Depending on what vows you choose, you'll hold your partner's wedding ring halfway on the fourth finger of their left hand. You'll either listen to your vows and say "I do" or "I will" after each of your Registrar's questions or repeat a short sentence after the Registrar. They'll ask you to push the wedding ring onto your partner's finger. Once you've both given your vows, it's time to seal your union with a kiss and sign your marriage certificate with your two witnesses.
Many of your loved ones want to take a photo of you at the signing table once I've taken a few professional photographs of your signing your certificate. If you don't want your guests to come and take photos, you should talk to the Registrar. Once you've signed your certificate, the Registrar will either invite your loved ones up or send you back down the aisle with your new husband or wife.
Confetti Exits
At this point, you're officially married! Is there anything cooler than getting showered with petals by your loved ones? The tradition of throwing confetti has been traced back to Italy in the middle ages, the time of the Roman Empire's collapse. We Brits used to throw uncooked rice and grain, symbolising fertility. Today it has come to symbolise guests' hopes for newlyweds to have good fortune and prosperity.
Sometimes the venue organises your confetti exit as you walk out after signing your marriage certificate. But more often, your Bridal Party will hand out the confetti to anyone that didn't bring their own as people leave your ceremony. I'll line up your wedding guests outside, and you'll walk between them as they throw confetti in the air.
Drinks reception, Canopies, and Group Photographs
Now is your first chance to share the love and a toast with your family and friends. Your caterers will probably offer some canopies to your guests. Before everyone gets too well lubricated, this is the perfect time to stage any group photographs you want. I work with my couples ahead of the wedding to help them pick their groups. You don't want so many that you and your guests get bored, but it's one of the few times everyone is together, plus you're all dressed up and in a lovely venue. I'll make sure we strike the balance of getting them done fast but making sure you get what you need.
If you want some beautiful couples' portraits, I might steal you away for five or ten minutes after your group photos. But this will depend on your schedule and the light. Don't worry; I'll arrange this with you before your big day to guarantee we're all on the same page.
Depending on the weather, it's fun to have some lawn games like Giant Jenga or Chess. I bet you already know which of your guests will be most competitive!
Wedding Breakfast
Putting on a feast is an ancient way to celebrate. Your caterers have been working hard in the background to prepare a meal in your honour. You'll agree to the menu and timing with your venue, caterers, or wedding planner.
Someone will announce you as the newlyweds once your guests have found their seats. You'll make your way to the head table. It's always fun to see everyone drinking and sharing stories over dinner. I know how much it costs to feed everyone, so I bring my meal from home and get out of your hair once your food comes out. Nobody wants me to take photographs while they're trying to enjoy a meal, and it's a chance to pause and back up your photographs.
Speeches
Some couples opt to have a speech or two before eating. I'd suggest letting people fill up first. They've probably been drinking on empty stomachs. Unless your loved ones giving speeches are brilliant public speakers, the crowd might be hangry and hard to please.
There aren't rules on who can give speeches. But typically, the Farther of the Bride will deliver a speech, followed by the Groom, then the Best Man. If you're planning on giving out thank you gifts, the Grooms speech can be an excellent time to call people up.
After your speeches, the venue staff will prepare the room for your music and dancing. Sometimes this lines up with a sunset, and you might want some gorgeous couples portraits. Or maybe you want to mingle with your guests some more and enjoy a quick cup of coffee to pick you up before you put your dancing shoes on for your DJ or band's set.
Cake Cutting
Who doesn't love cake? You might already be thinking about who you want to make yours. As the newlyweds, you get the honour of cutting the cake.
Depending on the schedule and location, I like to get the caterers to bring your cake out into the middle of the room so you're not crammed in a dark corner where no one (including me) can see you. You might have to unstack your cake to stop it from toppling over while you cut it like the Giant Jenga from your lawn games.
Your DJ, band, or master of ceremonies will announce that you're about to cut your wedding cake. Your guests will watch you both hold the knife and cut the cake together and feed one another. This first thing you do as a couple, you do together. It symbolises your support for each other. I can always tell early in the day when a couple has a mischievous streak - you guys end up smashing the cake into each other's faces, and it never gets old!
First Dance & Party
As the guests of honour, you open the dancefloor by leading the first dance. Some couples practise elaborate dances for months leading up to their big day. Others gently sway across the dancefloor to their favourite song. Usually, it's a slower number, but always something special to you. Then, it's time to get everyone else on the dancefloor to party the night away and do some serious celebrating. I love everything about photographing weddings, but at the end of the night, the waves of alcohol, that's the most fun we have all day. I even offer an add-on for me to write off the day after your wedding and party with you guys till kicking out time!